The holidays are bitter sweet for me….one of the largest things that weighed on my mind this holiday season was that I am single.
To say I’m “looking” for Mr. Right is a bit of a misnomer…while I am not actively going out with the sole purpose of “looking” to jump into a relationship I would like the companionship, support, and comfort that comes with a relationship.
Although I live in a city heavily populated with attractive, professional men I seem to never quite find what I’m looking for and if I do 9 times out of 10 he’s unavailable.
So before I describe my Mr. Right let me tell you a bit about me:
I am a 25 year old African American female. I am 5’9 slim build and love sports. I am college educated and recently graduated with my Doctorate in law. I work in the music industry doing management. I am very down to earth, strong in my faith in God and what he has done for my life, confident, driven, and I must admit I thrive on dry humor.
So now on to Mr Right…here are my top 5 qualities that I believe my Mr. Right will posses in order of importance:
1. Spiritual
This is the absolute most important thing on my list. When things are going well as well as when things are going bad I need a man that will be a spiritual leader in our relationship. Someone who relies on God to guide him in his relationship with me and his overall daily life is extremely important. Religious preference is not as huge as simply having an active relationship with God and living your life in accordance with it.
2. Respectful
You will respect me. I am a firm believer in female roles and I will wash, cook, clean, sew if you would like me to but before any of that can happen you MUST respect me and most of all yourself. You will not disrespect me in front of your friends, family, in public and think I will give you the time of day. You will not talk to me crazy, HUGE PET PEEVE, you will not talk down to me, call me out my name, etc. If I tell you something makes me uncomfortable that I don’t like it and you continue to do it you are disrespecting me. If you don’t take care of your personal hygiene and you stay wasted, high, etc you don’t respect yourself so I know we can’t be together hands down. I could go on this topic for a while so let me just leave it there…
3. Confident
I am very confident in who I am and what I believe. In a relationship I want my man to be confident in his values, foundation, and core beliefs. I want him to be confident enough in himself to be open to trying new things and experience new situations.
4. Driven
I am a very driven person and I need the person that I am with to have similar drive and ambition to not just talk about what they want but to go out and get it. Being around someone who is driven not only pushes me to be a better person but it also allows me to learn so much from a persons teaching style, work ethic, leadership style, and ability to build and maintain professional relationships.
5. Wordly
I’ve travelled the world and experienced way more than the average 25 year old from growing up on the east side of Cleveland, to living on an organic farm in rural Vermont, and attending college Beijing China. I need a man who is open to those kind of experiences and has his own to share with me and open my eyes to. Whether its a book I’ve never read, music I’ve never heard, or some part of the world I’ve never been to I need a man who loves to learn and embrace all the experiences and cultures the world has to offer.
If a man has these things he is golden in my book. Tall, short, black, white it doesn’t matter. But it definitely seems like these things are a rarity…..AM I ASKING FOR TOO MUCH? AM I BEING UNREALISTIC?
PLEASE SEE AN UPDATE TO THIS POST HERE
MEN: WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5?
WOMEN: These are my personal top 5. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 ?
The Thoughts of Ms. Shay Bunny... 
December 28th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
This is great. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for. I believe that I deserve the best, so it’s never TOO MUCH.
I think what we as women have to be aware of is that we don’t want someone EXACTLY like us. We need someone who will provide that balance – the ying to our yang, the sweet to our salty.
I think we get so caught up in these rules we create, these guidelines per se, and we don’t go in open minded when start dating someone new. We want them to be EXACTLY the way we wrote down on paper and quite frankly, that’s impossible. Aside from God (which is number one) and common courtesy fused with respect, chemistry is key. Because if they make you laugh and feel like the most beautiful person in the world while fulfilling his manly duties, that’s what it’s all about.
It’s not about finding the PERFECT guy, it’s about finding the guy who’s PERFECT FOR YOU. And you don’t know what that is UNTIL YOU GET IT.
December 28th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
Girl I don’t think you’re asking for too much at all. The problem with women we tend to settle for too little. We overlook certain things because we’re tired of being “single”. I think your list displays who you are and what you expect.
It never hurts to have standards. There is a man out there that possess what you desire, and the minute you find him you will know this is where you belong.
Great Post!!!!
December 28th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
Is the perfect guy for you romantic or does he make you laugh? On a scale of 1-10 how important are looks? Finally which on of your 5 is you do without?…..To answer your question no you aren’t asking for too much. It is alright to settle down but just don’t settle.
December 28th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
I think you hit the nail right on the head. At least you know what you want, and knowing is half the battle.
December 29th, 2009 at 5:55 am
When watching the video Steve Harvey kinda stole my thunder.
I think people put too much into their ‘lists’. I can understand ‘non-negotiables’ but some of the lists I see that are ridiculously long.
In saying this I’m not saying to lower your standards. I’m saying women need to be a little bit more realistic. What’s the matter with the man who has a high school education who makes 40k a year and is ambitious enough to want to own his own business?
I think society places too much in degrees when in actuality business owners and people ‘with money’ don’t have degrees. The number is in the majority and not the minority (I know this because a career I had in the past was with a management consulting firm for businesses). The highly educated person isn’t necessarily the smartest person.
I am using a degree as an example. There are plenty of other examples out there. But I think once we start looking at people by not what they have or have accomplished and look at them for WHO they are you will see a lot more happier and healthier relationships.
December 29th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Thank you to everyone for their comments!!!!!!!!
@luvologist The Steve Harvey video definitely left me with a funny taste in my mouth…personally I’m not wrapped up in the idea of “degrees” or a certain social status. School is not for everyone, as a matter of fact I am the only person in my entire family that decided to go to college, However I feel that my list are core values that any man rich, poor, PHD or GED should possess.
@srocwell I don’t know if there is a per se “perfect” guy I hope the man that makes me happy does so by making me laugh and doing romantic things. As of right now I can’t say that I can do without any of those 5 because those are intangible things that transcend class, race, etc and go towards the character of person.